I sometimes really do not like the lack of ability of choice that I am able to make, in a lot of regards and aspects of my life. Sometimes, it feels like I am only trying to please the voices in my head. Most days, it's fine - I can keep telling myself "just finish this one more task". But other days, I feel as though I'm not really doing anything that I want to do, but more so it is only me furthering something that is not for me. I'm sorry if its pretty dark, but its the truth. I do wish that I can find a solution to this. Not sure what it is right now as I am a bit distraught but hopefully in the future.

Today I find myself blessed with a calm air of technology around me that doesn't seem to want to leave me. I have spent the better part of this day configuring obscure electronics i found on the chronicles of the web, most of which some people would call unnecessary or unconventional. To them I say : To Hell with Convention! I think that areas of technology and machine-like advancement today lacks a certain spirit of creativity. Mainly, everything looks and feels the same. It has become far too mundane. Therefore I took it upon myself to experiment with a set of hardware that may seem tiresome to adapt to at first, but the reward of adapting to using it is quite satisfying.
Now, to you this may not seem a grand feat but I am currently relaying this journal entry on to you from a keyboard that has something akin to a leather strap in the middle: it folds beautifully into this compact tool that I can carry around with me with great ease, and honestly? It just looks bloody spectacular. Yes, the layout of it may take some time to getting used to, but other than that it is an absolute joyride to use it. In addition to that, I am using a vertical navigator to make my way over to this page, it hugs my hand rather amicably and just feels very comfortable.
If there is anything i would like you to take away from this rather silly journal entry, that may add just a slight hint of profoundness to the mundanity of it is: If the figure of something attacks you -- be it an item, an article of clothing, a device or tool of some sort whatever it may be : I say, give it a shot! If you end up liking it, and adapting to using it on a daily basis then you are just that much even more unique. And if you do not end up liking it, well, the spirited creativity that spawned within you to try out this new, daunting foreign object, the flame of curiosity that you did not let the world extinguish is something of the mettle of stars, and is worthy of respect, and maybe, just maybe, it makes you that bit more human. Truly, why fear, and lurk within a confine that has no goal to serve you beyond a faded memory and grayed spirit? Just try.

I had a strange encounter today. IF you've managed to find your way into my Thoughts, you'll probably be aware of something that had happened to me around two weeks ago, a mere day before the all-out war broke out and I was rendered immobile in my own faculties. To make it clearer for both those of you who have seen my thoughts and those who haven't: Something was taken from me, two weeks ago, by a threat of mortal degree, in the darkness of night in a corner I've spent a lot of time in. The encounter itself isn't what's interesting here, as this seems to be a common trope in the damp unforgiving abbeys and alleys of my current dwelling.
What was truly interesting however, is that today of all days, I may have just seen my perpetrator... along with the item which had been taken from me. I do not know the validity of what I had seen, but the feeling that had washed over me in that instant as I watched him pass me by, well, all I can say is that it had been different than any sort of sensation of doubt that may have clouded my judgement and against my better nature, antagonized a large deal of people. I have since taken to a stalking tone, not particularly in a physical following sense of the term, but rather in vision. Think you'd call it 'keeping my eye out'.
The reward of this ordeal appears far greater than its risk, and if I were to embark on a confrontation of some sort, I do pray I will have friends and loved ones to which I can strengthen my back, and fan the flames of a righteous ire. It is also worth mentioning that today of all days, after such a time had passed from the incident, I was approached and asked about it by two of my neighbours and one close friend, unprompted and without further suggestion. What changed? What is different in the air now? If divine retribution is something that can be sought by mortals, then I will walk, and walk. I do hope for justice, in whatever form it may come for we cannot decide how the lord decides to quench our thirst, or bring back for us that which had been violated. My faith in him thusly is strong and unwavering. The clockwork remains in motion, and the Sun and the Moon are witness to my plight. I only wish the fear would leave me, my bones to quit their aching, and my breath to flow as seamlessly as it once did.

I find it very strange that we are haunted by the shadows of people we once knew. Mainly, people that we would wish to forget. It's as if the curse they divulge onto us is the memory of their existence itself. When all things are said and done, and the dust settles on the madness and complexity of relationships, friendships and the like, I think we all just need to find solace in the fact that we remain who we are: we remain unchanged, unscathed and uninjured by the harm and sheer unfairness of all that has been done to us on account of friends under false veils. To anyone reading this: I wish you kindness, and a breeze within the storm.